Tag Archives: boss

Let’s Play Boss!

Here’s an interesting one; a brand new shmup for the Atari 2600! This is Boss, and it’s being made by Twin Galaxies high scorer Dave Vogt. He’s running an IndieGoGo campaign where, if the campaign succeeds, you can get this game on an actual Atari 2600 cart, and a mobile edition of the game. Continue reading

Why I hate the Batman Arkham games!

In 2009, RockSteady Studios released a very hyped up Batman game called Batman Arkham Asylum, that then had a sequel in 2011 called Batman Arkham City. These games got a lot of hype and news, and they were pretty good games for the most part…
So why do you hate them Ian? Well, both of these games are the digital equivalent of watching a great theatrical play, you’ve been watching it for a good two hours and it’s getting near the end, and for whatever reason the lead actor forgets his line and whilst stumbling on his words he trips over something, knocking over a prop that lands on someone, but there’s a thin metallic object on top of said prop that falls over and beheads the actor that was standing next to the actor who’s crushed under the prop; the actor who’s beheaded body stumbles toward the audience and a massive haemorrhage squirts at the audience who freak out and try to flee the theatre in sheer fear as they run over each other, and of course at least one person dies from that. That’s what happens in this game, they have a great beginning, a great middle, and then it turns into a terrible end where you wonder why it had to suck so badly…  Let me explain this…
WARNING: SPOILERS WILL BE USED HERE, SO IF YOU’RE AN ANTI SPOILER SORT OF PERSON, CLOSE THE DAMN WINDOW NOW!

Batman Arkham Asylum

The biggest issue with the ending of Arkham Asylum is that you “fight” Joker. However you don’t need to be a huge comic boffin to know that Joker is a weed compared to the likes of Batman. So how do end the game? Do you use Bruce Wayne’s excellent detective skills to find where the Joker is hiding? Nope. Do you chase a flocking Joker around the Asylum? Nope. Instead you do actually have a fist fight with the Joker. “But how is that even fair if he hasn’t got a gun Ian?”, well here’s RockSteady’s approach towards balancing a fight between the Joker and Batman. Batman visits Bane in the game who’s turned into a psychopath  because Ivy has injected Bane with a special venom that contains a virus called “Titan” that manipulates the human body to turn anyone into a “hulking” beast. See what I did there, “Hulk”, you know, DC… Marvel… Yes I’m a huge nerd get over it. But what happens with this Titan virus? Oh yeah! Joker uses it on himself!
I’m not kidding here, you fight a muscular oversized Joker so that a fist fight between him and the dark knight somewhat balanced…  Well, clearly more in his favour, But that hook shot of yours and his ludicrously long nails put you in a better spot, as you pull him down with the hook shot, causing Titan Joker to fall on his hands, with his long nails stuck in the wooden floor as you pummel his face in. And that’s it. Again, you don’t need to be a comic book buff to understand that this wouldn’t ever happen in the comics or the films, rather Joker would hide as he sends his goons to shoot you, or he would pull a gun on Batman. But no, traditionally in games, the lead protagonist has to beat up the antagonist, so RockSteady had to make a Bane sized Joker for Batman to fight… Thanks for the disappointment guys…

Batman Arkham City

I was dumb enough to buy the first game at full price with an incredibly lack-luster ending, so I was dumb enough to buy the sequel thinking and believing that RockSteady would improve the ending. But I was very wrong, so wrong it might possibly be worse than the first game. How so? Like this…
The plot of Arkham City is that after Joker was taken away from the fight in the first game, the Titan virus is slowly killing him, and now he’s managed to turn all of Gotham City into a villian’s playground as he holds it hostage unless Batman finds him a cure, which a certain Doctor Freeze has been making. However Joker being the total bastard he is infects Batman with the titan virus with a syringe, and there’s only one cure. Batman being smart about this gets hold of Doctor Freezes cure and uses it on himself to prevent dying, but now with a dying Joker in the midst, who will Batman fight as the final boss in this game? Twoface? The Riddler? Ivy? Penguin? Cat Woman? Oh no no, let’s use a better character that everyone knows…!

…Clayface

Yeah…  Everyone knows Clayface right? He’s been used in EVERY FILM AND EVERY TV SHOW. Notice how I’m being sarcastic here…? The biggest problem with Arkham City is that not only do you fight this guy twice, but after defeating him the second time you think you have another hour or two left before you reach the game’s climax. Oh no, you beat the game, and it’s mega anti-climatic! this is the video game equivalent of watching a pretty good film before the film abruptly stops and you’re told to leave as the film equipment isn’t working. What’s sad about that statement was that actually happened to me once and had to go back to the cinema the next day to watch said film that stopped on me. So yeah, you beat Clayface, who I ended up reading up that in the comics that he’s the 73rd greatest Batman villain ever voted by fans…  [sarcasm] Great… that’s an achievement right? [/sarcasm]. What’s makes things worse is that as Batman cured himself with the only titan cure in existence, the Joker dies, and it’s pretty damn bad, it’s like Super Man without Lex Luthor, or Mario without Bowser; Batman and Joker are a match made in heaven despite their sheer hatred for each other. When you think Batman, you can only think of Joker as being his ultimate rival. Think of it like Wily Coyote if he actually caught Roadrunner? Oh wait, Seth MacFarlane made a joke about this…
OK, sure Batman could deal with any one of his bazillion rivals in the next game. Maybe Joker will return from the dead as a zombie or something! I mean come on, almost anything game, TV and or film related now has zombies in it right? Why not the Joker, they have done it to the Marvel heroes at least. It’s bound to happen…
God damnit!